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”Me da un condón, si es tan amable”

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Por - 19 mayo, 2022 - 00:04 a.m.
”Me da un condón, si es tan amable”

”Me da un condón, si es tan amable”. Esa petición le hizo un hombre joven al encargado de la farmacia. “Con mucho gusto -respondió el empleado-. Pero le informo que los de color blanco se nos acabaron ya. Sólo tenemos condones negros, y otros de color morado con ranitas verdes y elefantitos anaranjados”. Al cliente los de color morado etcétera le parecieron poco serios, de modo que se llevó uno en color negro. Pasaron los años, y cierto día un lindo negrito se le presentó al que había comprado aquel condón y le preguntó: “Papi: ¿por qué mi mamá y tú son blancos, y yo soy negro?”. 

“¡Anda! -le contestó el señor, rencoroso-. ¡Y date de santos que no saliste de color morado con ranitas verdes y elefantitos anaranjados!”. El paciente del doctor Duerf, psiquiatra, le dijo: “Quiero darle las gracias por haberme quitado mi delirio de grandeza

En adelante, doctor, le pertenece la mitad de mi reino”. Sir Galahad se disponía a ir a la Cruzada. 

Entró en la alcoba de su esposa, lady Guinivére, acompañado por otro caballero. Le dijo sir Galahad a su señora: “Es mi deber informarte, Guinivére, que jugué al póquer con sir Pricko, aquí presente, y perdí con él la llave de tu cinturón de castidad”.. Ahí están las hemerotecas y los archivos de los periódicos, que no me dejarán mentir. Unos días antes del asesinato de Colosio escribí en mi columna estas palabras: “O Colosio mata al PRI o el PRI mata a Colosio.”. Tal frase, expresada  en sentido figurado, cobró sentido recto en el terrible suceso de Tijuana. 

Desde aquel día el pueblo mexicano ha tenido el sentimiento de que el homicidio cometido en la persona del candidato fue un crimen político, de Estado, y relaciona el hecho con el partido que entonces se hallaba en el poder y con el Presidente que en ese tiempo gobernaba. Así las cosas, Luis Donaldo Colosio Riojas, el hijo del infortunado sonorense, no debe tener absolutamente ninguna relación con el PRI, pues eso lo haría aparecer ante el juicio popular como faltando a la memoria de su padre. 

Si el joven alcalde de Monterrey se decide a buscar la Presidencia puede establecer alianza con cualquier partido, con cualquiera, incluso con los más desprestigiados -el PT, el Verde-, menos con el PRI, pues eso equivaldría a entrar en tratos con aquellos a quienes el pueblo culpa de la muerte de su progenitor. 

Valga el consejo de alguien que vivió aquellos días trágicos de marzo del 94: si alguien del PRI tienen el aberrante atrevimiento de proponerle a Luis Donaldo ir en alianza con él a buscar la Presidencia, apártese inmediatamente el posible candidato de ese aleve tentador y dígale lo que los hombres del medievo le decían al espíritu maligno cuando se les aparecía en terroríficas visiones: Vade retro Satana! ¡Retrocede, Satanás! ¡Aléjate de mí!,,, Don Poseidón, el padre de Glafira, se negó a concederle la mano de su hija al pretendiente que se la solicitaba. 

Le dijo: “Su pasado es muy oscuro, joven”. “Tiene usted razón, señor -respondió el galancete-. Pero si no me caso con su hija mi futuro será más oscuro todavía”. Hace algunos años los marcianos estuvieron a punto de invadir nuestro planeta. 

Desistieron de la idea porque desde uno de sus platillos voladores enfocaron un potente telescopio hacia la Tierra, y acertaron a poner en la lente  una gasolinera. Después de observar la actividad de las máquinas despachadoras del combustible el jefe de los alienígenas manifestó: “Es mejor que no nos metamos con los habitantes de ese planeta. Han de ser muy fuertes y poderosos. 

Tienen la cosa tan grande que después de usarla se la cuelgan en una oreja”. 

FIN. 

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